Exhibit [D]

Payback

Well, it took me all night and all of my photo editing skills to complete but I believe I have created something that's about to go viral.

Watch for it on the Today Show, people.

W.W.J.D.

My first year in college was spent at a relatively small, extremely liberal, and uniquely progressive institution. I made my ultimately brief foray into alternative education in late September of 2003 a few weeks after had Johnny Cash passed away in Nashville. I don't believe I was a particularly worldly 18 year old nor a particularly "cool" one, so aside from the name I didn't really know much about the man.

The whole year I spent at that school was a confusing one. Everyone in my program was under the impression that performance art was a legitimate way to spend one's time. Not suffering under the same delusion I found very difficult to connect with my fellow students. It turns out performance art, like religion and politics, can be a deal breaker. The campus, located in a wooded area, was cut with crisscrossing trails. In the middle of one of the paths that I most often used someone had spray painted this simple message: Johnny Cash Died To Save Our Sins. At the time it held little meaning to me however I can't help but find, now that I have become familiar with the man's work and the workings of the world, that it becomes truer and truer as life goes on.

That Which I Do Not Possess

One of the greatest gifts I received this Christmas was a publication entitled Early Modern Zoology: The Construction of Animals in Science, Literature and the Visual Arts (Yes, I know dork alert 5000 town). One of the articles quotes a poem written in 1682 by the great Constantijn Huygens.

More than 300 years ago, in Holland, a man mourns his dog:

My Silly's Epitaph

This is my doggy's grave.
I wont say more about it,
Than that I wished (and it wouldn't harm the world)
That my little Silly lived, and all the great would die.

Dogs make incredible companions and I, like most unemployed people, spend most of my days thinking about that which I want and yet do not possess.

I want a dog.

Give Me That Olde Time Feeling

Do you ever look at pictures from the past realize: I have never actually had fun. Ever.



I do.

To Be Young, Gifted and Rich

For those of you, gentle readers, unfamiliar with the work of the great P.G. Wodehouse may I remind you that death can come in any form at anytime and you're not getting any younger. These books truly are something that need to be experienced before one expires. I will not waste my or your time trying to explain in detail the staggering awesomeness, if you're curious about characters or plot Wikipedia is there for you. However I will give you just a taste, precious.

Bertie Wooster's Definitive List of Hang Overs
To the best of my knowledge these are in ascending order.

The Broken Compass
The Sewing Machine
The Comet
The Atomic
The Cement Mixer
The Gremlin Boogie

Oldie But a Goodie

That is all.

Good Time Gal

Kate MacDowell proves once and for all that bunnies are people under their skin.
Which is strange because I've always felt like a bunny under mine.

The Earlier You Die - The Longer You Are Dead

As I'm sure many of our gentle readers are aware taxidermy is huge this season. From home design stores that only the hipstas know about to the finest clothing shops of New York. If it doesn't have a stuffed dear head in it - it just ain't hip. However before it was cool these Northern European artists were on the dead animals as art gravy train. So considering that the last time taxidermy was this popular I needed a fainting couch here's my question: Were they ahead of or behind the times?

Iris Schieferstein


Idiots

Feeling Bad?

No you're not.

Public Radio Ruins Another Thing That Used To Be Fun

For those of you not already listening WNYC's Radiolab now is the time. It's one of the best new (admittedly a few years old now) shows to come out of Public Radio in recent memory: a science show that is amusing, accessible, and amazing. Their newest episode not to be missed is dedicated to the animal mind. However in the autumn of last year they produced a show all about parasites and if you're overly found of your freewill you might find it a little upsetting.

One of the microscopic bombs they dropped is that the "crazy cat lady" may not be responsible for her own actions. The friendly parasite Toxoplasma Gondii who's favorite home is a cat's gut (maybe he's a fan Baroque Era orchestra) sometimes finds his way into human brains via a love scratch. Toxoplasy usually is interested in getting into a rat brain and once there switches some wires to make the rat go bats for cats. Thus increasing the chances of the rat being eaten by the cat and the parasite finding his way back into a cat's digestive track. However something similar may happen in person's brain when filled with this little guy; so the individual may get a compulsive need to be surrounded by cats. It has also been associated with schizophrenia.

Now knowing what cats do for us please gently consider the following statement:

Cats look best when they are slightly annoyed.

Exhibit (A)

Exhibit (B)

Exhibit (C)

The Great Homogenization

You may remember the momonga when they were originally brought to our attention by the ubiquitous cuteoverload.com. You may also remember Pauly D and The Situation who first stole our hearts on MTV's Jersey Shore. However you may or may not have noticed that as the internets works its series of tubes deeper and deeper into our lives it ties everything together. I believe that our descendants will look back on this time as The Great Homogenization. For those who doubt may you tremble before:

The Momonga Fist Pump