Exhibit [F]

Proof Is In The Prancing

I told you.

Exhibit [E]

A Wolf In Pandas Clothing

Pandas are powerful animals. I'm not speaking solely of their vice-like grip on jackets, they bring up great emotion in people around the world. Any zoo that has a panda it's always one of their major attractions, so it's not surprising they'll be imitators.

Oh Captain, My Captain

You know, gentle readers, being president of the grand olde United States of American really has got to be the hardest job in the world, next to training deaf lions of course. If one looks at our Commander and Chiefs they seem to age 8 years in the first 8 months in office, no matter how handsome. (You know who you are Franklin Pierce.) They have to deal with meaningless wars, failing economies, educational issues, climate change, and every once in a while on top of everything else they must tame a moose.

Teach Me Tiger

Songs dedicated to animals are the best. Songs sung by a sultry woman dedicated to animals make me feel a little uncomfortable, but I can get behind it.

For the record don't think this is actually Marilyn Monroe, I believe it's April Stevens doing her best Marilyn impression.

Giant Effin' Rabbits

The photo of the sturdy German farmer holding what appears to be a rabbit the size of Bruce Willis has been circulated around the internet for a few years now. However, what many people do not know is that photo is wholly and entirely unphotoshopped. The rabbit comes from a line that has been carefully bred in a rural area of Germany by Karl Szmolinsky (the man pictured) since the sixties.

What even fewer people know is the fate of these beautiful beasts. In a startling expose by Vice Magazine it was relieved that North Korean government contacted Szmolinsky under the pretense of purchasing six of his largest rabbits to bred and feed the hungry children of the struggling Pinko country. Szmolinsky gave the visiting ambassadors quite a good deal on the fluffy bunnies thinking they would meet their end for a good cause. As strange as this may sound what actually happened to the rabbits maybe even stranger - they were eaten in a birthday celebration for Kim Jong-il. I think Szmolinsky put it best when he said, "In my opinion all politicians are bandits. They’re definitely not getting any more of my rabbits."

True Love Will Find You In The End

It really will.

Seventies Rock Idols *sigh*

The golden age of self-destruction was the seventies. It was so fresh and new. Sure the sixties had its drugs, unprotected sex, and music that can only be appreciated while under the influence of mind-altering substances, but it was all done in the name of freedom and self-exploration. Of course these are the observations of someone who wasn't alive in either decade, but unless movies and TV have lied to me in the seventies things became more simple - it was wreck yourself because it was damn good look.

Aardvarks, Dik Diks, and Tapirs - Oh My!

A nose, is a nose, is a nose, but did you know about this kind of nose? Sometimes when the weight of the world has got you down it's time to turn up your nose at kitty, duck, and woodpecker snouts and turn to something a bit more exotic. I'm sure there is some beautiful Latin name for it, but I just like to look at it when I'm feeling down. I shall call it a Snorzille.

Snorzille One!


Snorzille Two!



Snorzille Three!

Bluegrass for the Blue

As many of our gentle readers may know who have ever endeavored to forge a product from their own creative juices, these fluids seep from the brain if and only if one is not depressed. After successfully posting everyday since the All God's Critters burst forth from my head in an Athena-esque mess its been a couple of days. At times it's hard to stay focused when one is unemployed and living back at home. The only input to the system is daytime television, failed sewing projects, and Trader Joe's Black Licorice Scotty Dogs, so it's not surprising when nothing is coming out. With this in mind, for the next few days I will be dedicating some posts to those thing which make bring me joy in most any circumstance.

Bluegrass Music. Is. Awesome. While the argument can be made that nothing is "uniquely American" bluegrass music comes pretty close. It's beautiful, melancholic, honest, and often has a banjo, so it's pretty much the prefect way to spend an afternoon. I enjoy bluegrass, a working sewing machine and some macadamia nuts kick those mid-winter downs. Otherwise I am a girl of constant sorrow.

Avatar is Just a Sci-fi Dances With Wolves

Case.

Point.

Gross.

Keep Me Guessing - It Keeps Me Loving

Everyone loves animals that seem to be perpetually smiling. Done deal. The dolphin is probably the classic example. Whether they're living in fresh water rivers or brutally killing a bunch of fish they have the most pleasant look on their faces. I'd like to give a shout out to the animals who's faces are frozen in a more complex expression.

The Smug Hyrax

The Disinterested Tibetan Fox